Monday, October 03, 2016

Fall TV 2k16

Is it already time for a new season of television? Whhaaaa it really honestly seems like only yesterday that it was last season. I'm at a point in my life where there is almost no way I am starting a new show, so here's a bunch of reasons why I can't be arsed to check out the new fall programming, plus the cartoons I've been watching for so many decades that I can't stop. The number of episodes I'll watch before giving up is thus hypothetical (I already gave up).


NEW Son of Zorn: Remember Clone High? I still watch Clone High, or at the very least, quote Clone High. I'm not watching this, though. (FOX 8:30 p.m. EST 9/25)

Bob's Burgers: About a million episodes behind on this. Would quote it more in conversation, all I can usually manage are Tina's "uhhhhhs." (FOX 7:30 9/25)

Family Guy: As long as one episode in 14 is decent, I keep at it. The last one I remember clearly was about a Swamp Monster, pretty sure that aired in 2010. (FOX 9 9/25)

NEW Westworld: I'll get around to it. (HBO 9 10/2)


NEW Kevin Can Wait: Could have also been called Kevin Only Knows, if you wanted to do that, Kevin. Erinn Hayes, despite all superficial evidence, is not Rose Byrne. Will watch when sick for comfort. (CBS 8:30 9/19)

NEW The Good Place: It's My Name is Earl meets Bored to Death. Will watch one episode and eject due to disappointment that this is neither My Name is Earl nor Bored to Death. (NBC 10 9/19)

NEW Timeless: I'll always think of this show as the one with Blahblah and the black scientist from Better Off Ted. (NBC 10 10/3)

Supergirl: They put all 10 seasons of Smallville on Hulu. Can you believe that show was on the air for a DECADE? I rewatched the first 5 eps of season 1 for the first time in 15 years, and I have to simultaneously say yes and no, I both do and do not believe it. I watched weekly from season 2-8, and will do my best to make it that long with Supergirl. No promises, though. (The CW 8 10/10)

NEW Man With A Plan: Matt LeBlanc stars as the dog with a blog, I think. I wanted to watch it but I think it's been cancelled. (CBS 8:30 10/24)


Brooklyn Nine-Nine: I ended up making it like eight eps deep into season 2. I even impressed myself. (FOX 8 9/20)

New Girl: Sometimes Megan Fox is on. Those are the eps I watch. (FOX 8:30 9/20)

Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.: It says here that Ghost Rider is on this season, but I'm not seeing anything about Cobie Smulders, so it looks like I'll be watching Jack Reacher 2 tha Grave instead. (ABC 10 9/20)

NEW This is Us: Mandy Moore was born like a week before me so if I think she's a QT 3.14 in the "Candy" music video there's probably likely nothing wrong with that. I will watch the music video for "Candy." (NBC 10 9/20)


NEW Lethal Weapon: If it were 15 years ago and this was a new season of Fastlane, well, that's the universe for me, pal. I will watch the next Fast & Furious film, even if Jordana Brewster is not in it. She might be, though. (FOX 8 9/21)

NEW Speechless: I will watch every very brave minute of this unless I don't (I won't). (NBC 8:30 9/21)

NEW Designated Survivor: Totally baller when Kiefer says in the pilot, after the president and everyone else is murder-killed, "We'll make diamonds from their ashes. Take them into battle with us." I get choked up just thinking about how good the drama is on this show. Planning on rewatching all 50 missions in perpetuity. (ABC 10 9/21) 


NEW Notorious: Are they using Didi Gregarious' at-bat entrance music for the theme? If not, thanks for wasting my time. Will add to a Netflix watchlist in three years and ignore that watchlist for another three years. (ABC 9 9/22)

NEW Pitch: I will watch until there is either a scene where the umpire states there's nothing in the rule book that says a woman can't play baseball, or Tom Hanks reminds the protagonist that there is no crying in baseball. (FOX 9 9/22)


Hawaii Five-0: It would appear that I am somewhere between 3 and 5 seasons behind on this one. Hawaii is a nice place to visit. I recommend it. (CBS 9 9/23)

NEW MacGyver! Lucas "Monster Trucks" Havok stars as The Guyver, making life-saving inventions out of household materials. I will watch every ball-busting minute except all of the minutes after the first minute. (Fox 9:30 11/8)


SNL: Crocs with socks, all season long. (NBC 11:30 10/1)

Monday, August 15, 2016

Lost Gems: Ape Escape 2

Hey Alana and I have been playing Ape Escape 2 for the PS2 on the PS4. We are still fiddling with the microphone, one day we'll figure out the best sound settings. One day...

This game is kind of nuts because instead of using the second analog stick to control the camera, that stick controls your assigned weapon, and you can only use L1 to reposition the camera behind you. You can really see me struggle with this during gameplay.

Monday, September 28, 2015

Fall TV 2k15: Sunday Funday Edition

I am either so lazy or so busy that I cannot do a written review of this fall's new TV lineup. But I can put up a podcast about it, and then use that podcast as a great excuse to put my reaction folder up on YouTube:

Tune in for future episodes, where I am sure to continue farming out my television viewing.

Sunday, September 01, 2013

Fall TV 2k13

Here's what's on TV this fall, along with how many episodes I'll watch before giving up.


NEW Masters of Sex: Remember Lizzy Caplan's sex scenes in True Blood like 20 years ago or whatever? Yeah, those were great. Anyway, I'm not watching this. (Showtime 10 p.m. EST 9/29)

Bob's Burgers (FOX 8:30 9/29)

Family Guy (FOX 9 9/29)

Eastbound & Down: Load it up and truck it (HBO 10 9/29)


HIMYM: Final season, mom's here, everything takes place over one weekend, let's do this. (CBS 8 9/23)

NEW Almost Human: A new sci-fi show on Fox? WHAT COULD GO WRONG? Don't confuse this show with Being Human or Not Quite Human, this is the one where Mama's not the law, I'm the law. (FOX 8 11/4)

NEW We Are Men: You can do it, Jerry O'Connell. You can star in a sitcom that lasts longer than 8 episodes. I believe in you. This isn't it, though. I will watch both episodes that air. (CBS 8:30 9/30)


NEW Dads: Seth MacFarlane understands the importance of casting attractive women. Will watch for entirety of its run, unless it's terrible. (FOX 8 9/17)

NEW Brooklyn Nine-Nine: Real cops don't act like this. Entirely possible that I won't even make it through the pilot. (FOX 8:30 9/17)

NEW Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.: Cobie Smulders is in the pilot, so I'll watch the pilot. (ABC 8 9/24)

NEW Trophy Wife: Malin Akerman (good) marries Bradley Whitford (what) and his ex-wives and several children don't like her. I don't understand how this got written, produced, picked up, and put on the air. I will watch the opening five minutes. (ABC 9:30 9/24)


NEW The Tomorrow People: This was a show in the 70s, and then a show in the 90s. Memories of The Tomorrow People are never truly forgotten. They just get...locked away. Also I'm not watching this. (CW 9 10/9)

Always Sunny: Shit, I need to find out what channel FXX is. (FXX 10 9/4)

The League: Oh, there it is. 619. (FXX 10:30 9/4) 


NEW The Crazy Ones: Maybe if James Spader was the star of this show instead of The Blacklist, I could promise to watch more than two episodes. (CBS 8 9/26)

NEW The Michael J. Fox Show: Michael J. Fox's daring return to television (again). I'm watching every episode, you're watching every episode, let's not kid ourselves here. (NBC 9:30 9/26)


Hawaii Five-0 (CBS 9 9/27)

NEW Enlisted: Buried on Friday night, it shouldn't be too much trouble to watch the three episodes of this that make it to air before cancellation. (Fox 9:30 11/8)


SNL (NBC 11:30 9/28)

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Fox Magic!

The fox is both a cunning and wily opponent, and he doesn't afraid of anything.
I know you were curious about how foxes are traditionally portrayed in folk tales and mythology, so I put together a brief primer for you. Enjoy!

Friday, August 17, 2012


If the president wants the superpower to speak any language, his superhero code name would probably end up being something like that, I imagine. #Obamalock

Monday, July 30, 2012

How to Offer Water in the Modern Way

According to David Remnick's "We Are Alive," Bruce Springsteen's wife Patti Scialfa offers guests water "in the modern way." There are no details in the article about exactly what the modern way is, so to clarify:

The modern way to offer water to your guests is a 4 step process.

Step 1. Offer your guest(s) water. Do not offer anything else.
Step 2. If your guest would like some water, tell them that's cool, but that you want them to know that you're offering it in the modern way.
Step 3. Should your guest look confused, helpfully gesture towards your crotch and waggle your eyebrows.
Step 4. On the off-chance that suggestive waggling does not initiate certain activities, sigh and wave your guests in the general direction of the kitchen, mumbling something along the lines of, "Sink's in there."

And now you too know the modern way to serve water.