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Fall TV Lineup 2k11

Hey, Nick, here's all the things you need to watch this year. ON TV

Sunday:

NEW Once Upon a Time: Honestly this looks terrible but I will watch half the pilot and see what's up, mitebcool.jpg (ABC 8pm EST 10/23)

NEW Allen Gregory: Also looks terrible, but....tch, yeah, I already bought it? (FOX 8:30 10/30)

Family Guy: I don't trust people who love this show. I also don't trust people who hate it. (FOX 9 9/25)

Dexter: The Best Voiceover Narration on Television enters its sixth season. (SHO 9 9/25)

Hung: I never saw season 2. Season 1 was good, though. Go watch that. Skip this, probably. (HBO 10 10/2)


Monday:

HIMYM: Season 7 starts, show renewed through season 8. Now in syndication on FX AND Lifetime. BEST SHOW OF ALL TIME (CBS 8 9/19)

NEW Terra Nova: Ah shit, son, Stephen J. Lang up ins. (FOX 8 9/26)

Two and a Half Men: I love Kelso. (CBS 9 9/19)

Bored to Death: Who's a better wolf pack, these guys or the Horrible Bosses crew? Toss-up. (HBO 9 10/10)

Hawaii Five-0: Using your hands to talk like Scott Caan, Chevy parkour, Grace Park's wide-collar t-shirts. (CBS 10 9/19)


Tuesday:
Shit, shit, and more shit. Go read a book.


Wednesday:

NEW H8R: Will watch episodes conditionally if I like (hate) the celebrity. Of course this is hosted by Mario Lopez! (CW 8 9/14)

South Park (Comedy Central 10 10/5)


Thursday:

NEW Charlie's Angels: I will love this if it's A+ or F- but I'm not sticking around past the pilot for anything in between. (ABC 8 9/22)

Community: AB MENTIONS (NBC 8 9/22)

Always Sunny (FX 10 9/15)

Archer: Ka-KOW! (FX 10:30 9/15)

The League: In real life, Jenny is married to Pete, not Kevin. Wild! (FX 10:30 10/6)


Friday:

NEW Boss: Go look at the trailer for this, there is absolutely no doubt in my mind that this will be the best new show of the season. (Starz 10 10/21)


Saturday:

SNL Alec Baldwin starts this season. (NBC 11:30 9/24)

Fast Five

A movie in which everyone gets not just a car, but a Koenigsegg CCX
Just got back from Fast Five, the fifth film in the Fast and the Furious franchise, and the third outing in a row from director Justin Lin, writer Chris Morgan, and composer Brian Tyler. And while I remember being happily surprised by both Tokyo Drift and Fast and Furious, Fast Five is the film that will finally get me to remember these guys' names, and it has me hoping they get to do another one. I'm thinking Fast and the Furious: 6th Gear.

Also, looks like this is another major American studio release that South Korea got a week ahead of the States. So, yeah, spoilers. THEY'RE ALL BACK! Yes, ALL OF THEM. Even the dead ones! And the hot ones...and the funny ones...and the ones who think they are so hot and funny, but you know, they're not. Unfortunately, there are some actors/characters who just don't have the charisma that they seem to appear to think they do, but I will tell you one thing: Pick Up Line Tyrese is NOT one of those people.

Yes, he literally says that in the film, and yes, it is awesome, but not nearly as good as the several times he threatens those around him through the fine art of mumbling. The other big winner for charisma in this movie is, as always, Paul Walker as Brian O'Connor, a man who never met a large Hanes T-shirt he didn't like. It would be great to someday see another FF movie focusing on these two in the style of 2Fast 2Furious, but for now, it's awesome just to have Tyrese back in the mix.

As for everyone else? They are also in the movie, and while at times that is neat, and at least never terrible, they are all secondary to the cars and stunt work. There are two insanely awesome car action set-pieces, and then a couple of shorter sequences, some played more for laughs than suspense. But the train scene and the final chase are worth the price to see the movie on their own. And you know from the trailer that in the final action sequence, a couple of Dodge Chargers are pulling a huge safe through the streets of Rio de Janeiro, and that is somewhat cool, but also somewhat completely baffling that things don't just go to shit every time those Chargers make a turn.


So, while this movie does at times play fast and loose and furious with physics, it's still great fun, and by far the best fifth film in any franchise series ever.*†


*Especially if we count Batman (1966) as the first in the Batman series.


†But if we go in numbered episode order for Star Wars, we're in trouble.

Magnus, Robot Fighter

Magnus doesn't usually wear pants, but when he does, it's a hit.

I'm sorry, Black Cat, you're just too damn fat.

So this woman wrote a letter that was published back in January, which made the very reasonable note that Black Cat could not possibly weigh 120 lbs (or 110 lbs) and be close to six feet tall. Still no change on the official website, but I guess I would place her at 146.2 lbs, myself. But don't take my word for it. I'm no expert, I'm just an enthusiast.

Alpha Male Syndrome Syndrome

This is what happens when you go to the library thinking you have three hours until closing time, it turns out you only have ten minutes, and you grab and check out the first book that you see.

Alpha Male Syndrome is a book about dealing with alpha males in the workplace, written by self-described alpha couple Kate Ludeman and Eddie Erlandson. Which I thought was one of those things, like being cool, where if you're saying it about yourself, it doesn't count. But these two bring a lot of evidence to the table to prove that they both are, in face, seriously alpha, and have been since as far back as the first grade. Seriously, these two are alpha as fuck:

Even as a child, Kate exhibited the ambition and drive of an alpha female. She was also fascinated by the alpha males she encountered growing up in South Texas.

I like to imagine that she was already using that jargon while growing up, too.

In the first grade, she figured out how to beat the strongest boys at the game of red rover, using direct eye contact and a smile to break through their supercharged strength as approached the line.

That is solid alpha material.

Later, she found a way to entice alpha boys to attend a summer school she organized in her small town,

and in the fourth grade she bit the wrist of a bully to get him to quit bothering her friends.

Kate's husband, Eddie, is also very alpha, even though there is no evidence in the following biography that he ever bit anyone.

At age 29, Eddie was a surgical resident at the University of Michigan, holding down two outside jobs and trying to live a normal family life with his two young children. But that wasn't enough for an achievement-obsessed alpha.

Which he was.

He decided to become a marathon runner. After 50 marathons, the 26-mile run wasn't enough of a challenge, so he took on ultra marathons, becoming so obsessed with each 100-mile race that he ignored medical advice and ended up with stress fractures and a broken leg.

So alpha it hurts.

When he became chief of staff, he learned how to use his own alpha strengths to corral the energy and egos of other alphas,

I hear that corralling alphas is like herding cats, so that's pretty impressive, as well as pretty alpha.

who were waging turf wars at the hospital.

Not LITERALLY, of course.

He also learned valuable lessons from his patients: of the approximately 10,000 surgeries he performed, about 75 percent were on alpha males.

That statistic is from page 6, just five pages after Kate and Eddie admitted to not knowing a damn thing about statistics:

Although there are no hard numbers to support this approximation, we estimate that alphas comprise about 75 percent of top executives.

To paraphrase a friend of mine, I am somewhere between 14 percent and 97 percent sure that I will finish this book.

예쁘다

At first I was at this bar where three guys were being overly comfortable in their sexuality while the band played Cake covers.

Then, Korean Gary Coleman granted me one wish.

The next thing I know, I'm at a bar where these girls are being awesomely comfortable with their sexuality while a DJ is spinning fucking ACE. OF. BASE.

I know, right?