Monday, February 27, 2006

Happy International Polar Bear Day!

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Seth Meyers

That is the last time I wear women's deodorant.

Monday, February 20, 2006

Wow, that feels really good.

I don't need to fall at your feet
Just cause you cut me to the bone.
And I won't miss the way that you kiss me.
We were never carved in stone.

If I don't listen to the talk of the town
Then maybe I can fool myself...

It won't happen because I don't deserve to be happy.

Keanu Reeves might play the Silver Surfer! OMFG that would be so awesome!~

Friday, February 17, 2006

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Phineas J. Whoopie, You're a Genius!

There's an episode of Garfield and Friends where Roy Rooster runs to the end of a rainbow following a rainstorm in the hopes of getting a pot of gold. Instead of a pot of gold, a leprechaun gives him a dirty sock, but gives Roy the option to trade for what's behind three different doors. Roy, of course, trades the sock for the first door, which contains immense wealth. Roy then trades for door number two, which contains even more wealth, as well as fame and privilege. Sensing a trend, Roy trades for door number three, which contains...a dirty sock.

Novelty T-shirts are totally cool with me, bra, but when I see someone younger than me wearing a shirt that has "Atari" emblazoned across the chest, I wonder how poor they were growing up. I'm 22, and I have never thought of Atari as anything other than a crap factory for crap.

Oh, and disregard the following if you're not Kanye West: They're called goombas, Kanye.

Sunday, February 12, 2006

Getting Cut From the Cuddle Party

It hurts to be cut from the cuddle party. Everyone's just hanging out, having a good time, feeling all up on one another's delts and rhomboids and trapeziusesses and caressing golden locks and keeping the sexual energy low and safe...and then, BAM! You're told that you're just too young and it's weird that you still live with your mom and being Canadian is NOT COOL at a cuddle party. I know how it goes, and when the person who gets cut from the cuddle party is a person I showed up with, I just bury myself into the nearest ample bosom, ostrich-style, and hope for the best. No one is ruining this cuddle party for me.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Best Use of 'Woo' in a Song, One Through Three

Was ambushed by the trailer to Tyler's Perry's Madea's Family's Reunion's, and at first I thought they had gotten a new guy to star in The Nutty Professor 3: Klump This. Then I considered that, what with the second movie being such a surprise smash box office annihilator, THEY had gotten a new guy to star in Big Momma's House 3: Fuck You, America. Then I decided that I might be a racist. Then I decided that Michelle Monaghan is probably attractive enough that a girlfriend would not be jealous if I were to make out with her, and would be inclined to join in.

  1. Rage Against the Machine, "Freedom"
  2. Blur, "Song 2"
  3. N*Sync, "Up Against the Wall"

Go get some beer!

Sunday, February 05, 2006

The People Vs. SuperBlog

This is how it begins. Running Scared.

Outback people talk funny. The only rule is to not steal stuff off the walls.

Westin is the first hotel that says no smoking! Pas Fumare!


More ESPN Sports Heaven.

Those chick mudflaps love Yosemite’s new Honda truck.

How to cheer with beer. Not a specific kind of beer. Just the beer institute. Dot Com.

Why Do You Make Me Hurt You, SuperBlog?

Budweiser really put a lot of work into those cards.

What about Jack? You don’t know Jack.

MacGyver sure has gotten old. Mastercard.

Operation: Galactic SuperBlog

Sprint lets me download music when my girlfriend dumps me. Benny Hill.

Degree for Men, doing lots of stunts.

Emerald Nuts are nuts.

McCartney approves of Fidelity Investments.

SuperBlog: Fuck Yeah!

Less irritation, more of that five blades from Gillette commercial.

Pure Power Anthony Hopkins.

Trucks by Tacoma are invincible!

Eat At SuperBlog’s second spot. Monkey Monkey Monkey. Buncha Jackasses. “I don’t really like drinking at lunch.”

TacoBell: new spot for crunchwrap narrated by Adam West.

Monday, Took Her For a Drink on SuperBlog

That robot made that monster pregnant! And it gave birth to a hummer? It’s a little monster.

Don’t spread bacteria. Use Practical Solutions (PS), the New Clean.

Brokeback SuperBlog

Clydesdales know the important seriousness of responsibility and Dalmatian of beer delivery.

Fabio + Gondola = Old. Or Nationwide Insurance.

Checking scores on a celly with NFL Mobile.

I Got a Basketball SuperBlog.

Ameriquest won’t judge you when you’re humping on a plane.

Phone commercial for the PEBL, as seen in Italy.

Pirates are the new something or other, comedy, I don’t know. Hooks. Sharpie retractables.

All Your SuperBlog Are Belong To Us

Halftime show, featuring Heroin's only success story.

Suddenly SuperBlog

Sprint Phone has TV, downloads music. Crime deterrent.

All Fans are created equally, and will love the game and yadda yadda America. “You might just watch for the commercials.” NFL Network Go TEAM!

Yeah, okay, Desperate Housewives.

Ford knows Trucks. Trucks, trucks, trucks.

If SuperBlog Wanted Your Opinion, SuperBlog Would Have Asked For It

Go Daddy has boobies! Boobies, I tell you!

Fancy Choppers reveal the miracle of razors. Five Blades! From Gillette.

Apparently all these people know more about Desperate Housewives than I do.

SuperBlog doesn't love you anymore.

Play by play of the shaggy dog. Wow, he’s a dog! PG.

Kermit knows it’s not easy muppetering a bicycle. Ford loves the environment.

Wide Open? Young Lady, that’s filthy. Michelob Ultra Amber makes things darker!

Shaq knows more about Desperate Housewives than I do, apparently.

I was saying SuperBlog.

MI3 will help you enjoy life again. Dad: “That guy is so terrible, I want to see that movie to see Tom Cruise get him.”

Well, maybe she is a LITTLE fat. Campaign for real

Dad: “I’m glad they showed us a girl with her throat cut on the Super Bowl, but thank god we didn’t see half a nipple.”

SuperBlog in Boots.

Monkeys get wild, wild, wild. Burning money is hilarious.

Spooky Models want me to do what? Is that a Terminator? Oh, it’s a Cadillac.

NFL will read you Green Eggs and Ham. What have you done, you lazy son of a bitch?

On Being a SuperBlog

Busch Clydesdales. Woah! Streaking Sheep! And those guys sure ain’t brokeback.

With Cell phones, look at all sorts of cool stuff. Sports Heaven from Mobile ESPN.

SuperBlog and Robin.

Jackie Chan and Diet Pepsi. Which says that Diet Coke is tougher?

Cars spot. I wish I was a car.

No, really. AT&T and SBC will give you that network. Same spot.

Stop! Or Superblog Will Shoot!

Oh, it’s Spock. Or is that Steve Jobs? No, it’s Spock. Wait, is that Steve Jobs? Have some Aleve, Mr. Spock. Jobs. Galvatron.

Ameriquest won’t judge you if you kill that fly.

Clean the gutters? More like drinking some Bud Light! No, but really, about that leak in the roof.

V for SuperBlog.

V For Vendetta really should have come and gone already.

Diet Pepsi and P Diddy, two shitty shits that shit shit together. Brown and Bubbly. Dad: “That wasn’t funny.”

Revenge of Superblog.

Hybrids are wicked! English is the future.

Carrier Pterodactyl. Use FedEx. Napoleon Dynamite “gah.”

Bear attack. Use Bud Light! “Dave, Not Cool!”

Superblog in Paradise.

Michael Ian Black loves Sierra Mist. Wah-wah!

Bud Light secret revolving wall. Magic Fridge. Dad says it’s like blast from the past.

16 Blocks. “Heh-eh-heh.”

Son of Superblogging.

“How was your weekend, Davis?” It’s Easter!

Whopperettes? I hate women dressed as lettuce! At least they acknowledge that that king is freaky. Brooke Burke.

SuperBlogging Commercials.

Click spot with hall and oates.

Tostitos with girl working and three people eating delicious Tostitos.

pizza hut with popper bites and Jessica simpson is an idiot.

Finally, a network that connects us all.

“I’m going to Disney World.” Sucka!

Oh the places you’ll go with Harrison Ford. May not actually be a commercial. Finally a definitive answer to football readiness query.

Friday, February 03, 2006

Ron Howard's Daughter

Face it, Polar Bear, you just hit the jackpot!

I mean, that love triangle between Mary Jane and Gwen and Peter really confuses me. If William Moulton Marston wrote Spider-Man, he would have just married both of them.