Saturday, December 31, 2005
And before I show you any pictures from the trip, I need my desktop with Photoshop installed on it to come back from the shop. Should be a couple of days.
What do you mean, how was I able to do the photoshop work in this post? This interview is over!
Monday, December 12, 2005
Sunday, December 04, 2005
Luke making a new chinchilla acquaintance.
Myself pretending a tampon can go in my penis to stop all my penis bleeding. On an unrelated note, a gay fella asked if he could shave me and I let him. Then he asked if he could shave my balls and I knew it would be a cop-out if I said no, so I let him. He had done such a great job on my face (uh...) that I never seriously considered that he would cut my balls. Which he did! So, for those keeping score at home, I now have a severed and repaired ACL, two broken hands, and a pair of nuts that look like a tiger got a hold of them. And speaking of tigers...
Luke and BJ rompin' some statues of big pussies. Oh, and another thing about my broken hands: I met a lot of people this weekend, and when you meet people, traditionally you shake their hands. I opted out of that a lot because it fuckin' hurts to shake hands with people right now. But the first gay guy I met at the gay club shook my hand anyway, and, well, let's just put it like this: It was no problem shaking every gay guy's hand that I met.
That was all very coarse. Except the Chinchilla. Which actually was coarse in its own way because he took 'sand baths.' Believe it...or not!
Friday, December 02, 2005
Wednesday, November 30, 2005
Friday, November 25, 2005
Sunday, November 20, 2005
Adam and Sarah. The "H" in Sara"H" stands for "Honorable." Hey, don't look at me, I'm just the messenger. And one of the chief architects of that theory. So look at me.
Jeffy's slut wasn't around, so I filled in. I mean GOT filled in. Why? Because I'm a good friend.
Wonder Twin Powers, activate!
I'm breaking three of the ten commandments in this photo. Charlton Heston would be so disappointed.
Weiners? Wieners? Weeners? Wiiners? Ketchup? Catsup? Ketchup...catsup. Oh, hello, young man. Are you here to solve my catsup dilemma?
Saturday, November 12, 2005
Friday, November 04, 2005
Thursday, November 03, 2005
Tuesday, November 01, 2005
I have no clue why we were entrusted with sharp objects. My best guess is that there was some kind of shotgun contest that required the use of a knife to cut the cans. My guess continues: Flying Jesi won the shotgun contest handily. John was then drunk enough to lift Excalibur from the stone.
I think Brosh said it best:
Monday, October 31, 2005
Remember, kids, always plan ahead when you need to use a public restroom. Or make sure you bring your crotch fairy. To hold your crotch. God, I love crotch fairies.
Clay is receiving the holy sacrament of our lord and savior, Jeezie Creezie. I hope he's praying for some game, cuz he can't huck and he can't fuck. I mean, if he could fuck, why would he have to be with a DIFFERENT girl every night? No repeat business means no skillz. Mad fucking skillz.
Luke says he's got a story for me. Well, Luke, I'm waiting. But while I wait, I can fantasize about what the story is. Maybe it's about how he refused to use a condom in a sexual situation, or the issue of the condom just never came up. And then, when the whole thing's over, everybody's like, "Oh shit, we are definitely going to have a baby. and AIDS." At least, she's like that. I already know about my AIDS, and if I see a swell in that tummy, I'm going to Mexico. Ha ha. Just kidding. I'm not gonna tell you where I'm going, bitch. How do I even know that's my baby?
My imagination is exhausting.
Monday, October 24, 2005
Saturday, October 22, 2005
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
Monique had a birthday yesterday! The same day as Jean-Claude Van Damme. Even though this picture shows her thinking about that awesome fun fact, I'm pretty sure she's actually thinking about making out with other hot girls, because she sure did it a lot last night. I'm just too classy to post that kind of stuff, though.
We saw Tim while we were out celebrating. And while it's okay for girls to be gay, it is NEVER acceptable for guys to be gay.
We also saw Sam! She told me I called her a bitch a dozen times, but I don't believe it, because look how well we get along!
I don't like making posts that don't involve Yingling. She's my dream girl for some reason.
Sunday, October 16, 2005
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
Sunday, October 02, 2005
This is Sam. This is her responding to something incredibly real I just said, probably along the lines of, "You have valid and well-informed opinions on a variety of subjects, Sam."
That's Bjax in her crotch.
Sam's second-favorite thing to do is flip the bird. Her first favorite is sucker-punching me for keeping it real.
This is a picture of me not writing a book about Rachel, as per our agreement. I know it may sound a little silly, but every time I have an urge to write a book, I just drink a lot and dance with pretty girls.
Saturday, October 01, 2005
"Ooo, I'm so smart! I can get my rocks off on another guy's bed. Blessed art me for being such a Goddamn retard."
Seriously, idiots. Give it up. There will never be a point in time where I will not make your dumb ass unembarrassed by the effort.
Monday, September 26, 2005
Sunday, September 25, 2005
But today, there was something particular about the LiveLinks commercial that caught my eye. A person who looked suspiciously liked Evangeline Lilly was doing her best to convince me that chatting live would be the best idea right now.
My first thought: "That woman looks like Evangeline, whose name is like mine, only longer."
My second thought: "It's probably her not-famous sister or something."
3rd: "Or something..."
Etc.: "Nope, that's her. Evan!"
"Uh. Maybe I better not think her name like that. I'm kinda weirding myself out."
"Wow. She is so much hotter since she decided not to eat as much."
Then I called the number and we talked for a while. We're going to play skeeball next weekend.
Saturday, September 24, 2005
I think everyone is pretty clear at this point about how drunken hijinx work.
I'm not clear yet on if I won or lost a bet for some peeps. At this juncture, all that is clear is that I'm a drunk-looking snufflelufflegass (sp). I wonder what I was drinking? Probably whiskey. And that's how Rachel Yingling turned whatever age she turned.
Thursday, September 22, 2005
I really like Lost. But it turns out it's just the next wave in Chinese world domination.
So, you know those numbers, right? 4 + 8 + 15 + 16 + 23 + 42=108? And 108 was in a picture of the sun (a star) on a mural in the hatch? That's the easy part!
I knew I had seen that total used as an important story point before, and wouldn't ya know it, the 108 Stars of Destiny is the crew in Suikodens I-IV. That's hardcore. Some further reading on the subject divulged some fun facts.
- The original novel was written in the 14th century in China and was titled Shuihu Zhuan (Japanese: Suikoden).
- It's about 108 rebel bandits.
- The bandits lived in the marshes near the mountain of Liangshan, and the story was published in the West as The Water Margin.
- The novel is organized very similar to TV soap operas.
Sunday, September 18, 2005
And in the lighter side of the news, here's how I am in love:
- You fall in love quickly and easily. And very often.
- You give and take equally in relationships.
- You need your space and privacy. You don't like to be smothered.
- You're secretly hoping your partner will change for you.
- You stay in love for a long time, even if you aren't loved back. When you fall, you fall hard.