Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
"Now where's that dog with the keys?" Every single time there was a new joke about the dog that has keys, I had to check my sanity, because I thought there was no way we were going back to do another joke about the dog that has keys, seeing as how we had already joked about the dog that has keys on 40 batrillion separate occasions. And I'm thinking, "Hey, maybe there's a stinger. I wonder what that'll be about." And it was a joke about the dog that has keys. Keys that can unlock your jail cell.
I'm really excited about the next movie. I'm hoping there's more about the dog that has keys. Maybe we'll meet the father of the dog that has keys. I hear he's heroin's only dog success story.
Sunday, October 29, 2006
You know those times in your life when you look up a movie on IMDB that you've never actually watched and realize that it's been two years since it came out, and really, it seems like it's been, at most, only a year since that movie came out?
Well, I just lived through a patch like that, harrowingly.
Also, is Kurt Russell Jeff Bridges? And be sure to leave a comment for your favorite example of Hollywood "Was I thinking of that one guy or that other guy?"
Monday, October 23, 2006
Sunday, October 15, 2006
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
Saturday, August 12, 2006
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
...which is actually a very svelte and charming and I like it effect, so I'll take das kamera out tonight and see if I can get some embarassing shots that don't include a complete amount of horizontal lines.
And HEY! In celebration of Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest completely trouncing Spider-Man's box office records, here's a metaphorical picture of me dressed as a pirate, alongside Spider-Man, dressed as a hockey player, looking trounced.
Has anyone else ever noticed that the opening riffs from Beverly Hills 90210's theme song sound exactly like the opening riffs from Toto's "English Eyes"? Wild.
Monday, July 10, 2006
Friday, June 16, 2006
Michelle Branch didn't come out afterwards to meet her adoring public, but the lovely Jessica Harp did.
She thinks I'm crazy. Or maybe she's crazy about me. We
My favorite exchange, after a woman (apparently a mother) asked Luke to take a picture of her and Jessica for her daughter. Which required Luke getting her e-mail address and phone number.
Mother: My daughter is getting into some music that I don't approve of...
Me: What, like the Eminem and Hoobastank and what not? (true quote!)
Mother: Exactly, and we're trying to get her to listen to more white people music. Like the Wreckers.
Me: But not those traitorous Dixie Chicks! (not true quote)
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
The funny thing about mainstream America is that as soon as we heard the Country and Western types didn't want anything to do with the Dixie Chicks anymore, we debuted them at number one. It was a fucking concerted effort.
And I just have to get in on that kind of schizophrenia. On the ground floor. Y'know, before Newsweek tells me to.
Thursday, May 25, 2006
Can you imagine how impressive and awesome a person would have to be in order to hold that pose in real life for, say, 15 minutes? Obviously, the kind of person who cannot be trusted sexually. The kind of person whose fate lies on the paesaggi abbandonati della...
Tiger Island. Where tigers kiss. Bacio della tigre!
Monday, May 22, 2006
I remember thinking this sign said something really hilarious at 3:30 in the morning, probably "Poop Avenue." Anyway, now it says "Lazer."
And here's what happens when you try to escape from Tiger Island. For you see, there is no escape from...
Thursday, May 18, 2006
ON THE NEXT “ACCESS HOLLYWOOD:” MISCHA BARTON CONFIRMS HER CHARACTER ON “THE O.C.” DIES AND REVEALS WHAT THE SHOW HAS IN STORE FOR FANS.
Monday, May 15, 2006
And remember, now is the perfect time to get caught up with the series, which just concluded a two-part story that emphasizes the strong, important, and true moral: If you are a sexy male alien whom no woman can resist, you are a sexual predator and need to be tried for your crimes against womanity.
And what does the law do with sexual predators? It banishes them to live among their own on the scarred hellscape that is....
Friday, May 05, 2006
*I have some choice Freudian stuff for that.
**I didn't buy Karaoke Revolution Country. Or, for that matter, Get On 'Da Mic. So, yeah, maybe I AM saying you're wrong.
Monday, March 13, 2006
Thursday, March 09, 2006
Monday, February 27, 2006
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
Monday, February 20, 2006
Saturday, February 18, 2006
Friday, February 17, 2006
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
Novelty T-shirts are totally cool with me, bra, but when I see someone younger than me wearing a shirt that has "Atari" emblazoned across the chest, I wonder how poor they were growing up. I'm 22, and I have never thought of Atari as anything other than a crap factory for crap.
Oh, and disregard the following if you're not Kanye West: They're called goombas, Kanye.
Sunday, February 12, 2006
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
- Rage Against the Machine, "Freedom"
- Blur, "Song 2"
- N*Sync, "Up Against the Wall"
Sunday, February 05, 2006
Sprint Phone has TV, downloads music. Crime deterrent.
All Fans are created equally, and will love the game and yadda yadda
Yeah, okay, Desperate Housewives.
Ford knows Trucks. Trucks, trucks, trucks.
Go Daddy has boobies! Boobies, I tell you!
Fancy Choppers reveal the miracle of razors. Five Blades! From Gillette.
Apparently all these people know more about Desperate Housewives than I do.
Play by play of the shaggy dog. Wow, he’s a dog! PG.
Kermit knows it’s not easy muppetering a bicycle. Ford loves the environment.
Wide Open? Young Lady, that’s filthy. Michelob Ultra Amber makes things darker!
Shaq knows more about Desperate Housewives than I do, apparently.
MI3 will help you enjoy life again. Dad: “That guy is so terrible, I want to see that movie to see Tom Cruise get him.”
Well, maybe she is a LITTLE fat. Campaign for real beauty.com
Dad: “I’m glad they showed us a girl with her throat cut on the Super Bowl, but thank god we didn’t see half a nipple.”
Monkeys get wild, wild, wild. Burning money is hilarious. CareerBuilder.com
Spooky Models want me to do what? Is that a Terminator? Oh, it’s a Cadillac.
NFL will read you Green Eggs and Ham. What have you done, you lazy son of a bitch?
Oh, it’s Spock. Or is that Steve Jobs? No, it’s Spock. Wait, is that Steve Jobs? Have some Aleve, Mr. Spock. Jobs. Galvatron.
Ameriquest won’t judge you if you kill that fly.
Clean the gutters? More like drinking some Bud Light! No, but really, about that leak in the roof.
Click spot with hall and oates.
Tostitos with girl working and three people eating delicious Tostitos.
pizza hut with popper bites and Jessica simpson is an idiot.
Finally, a network that connects us all.
“I’m going to Disney World.” Sucka!
Oh the places you’ll go with Harrison Ford. May not actually be a commercial. Finally a definitive answer to football readiness query.
Friday, February 03, 2006
Face it, Polar Bear, you just hit the jackpot!
I mean, that love triangle between Mary Jane and Gwen and Peter really confuses me. If William Moulton Marston wrote Spider-Man, he would have just married both of them.
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
And you can have these:
Sunday, January 29, 2006
"Well, then how is it her?"
"Maybe it's not," he said.
"Look," I said, using IMDB. "Her name is Ashley Williams."
"Weird," said Mom.
Then, she had an old lady rant about ice machines in fridges.
Thursday, January 26, 2006
The 10 year plan is the new 5 year plan. But in order for me to be where I want to be by the end of 2015, I'm going to need power laces.
Besides that, I cannot say TOO much about my 10 year plan. Obviously two of those years will be spent obtaining the necessary number of signatures to turn power laces into a bill, and then a law. Part of each year will also be spent oxidizing and then shedding my coat. And a generous portion will be donated to charity.
Uh, of my time...And my coat.
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
"I felt the same way about Sarah tonight. Sarah's personality radiates with everything she does, including when she talks out of one side of her mouth. I hope she understood that I did want to kiss her, but I'm just not going to do that at this point. I also hope she understand that I find the fact that she is obviously smoking rocks to be really hot. I just get so mad thinking about how in five or six years, she won't be as hot as she is now, but she'll be just as stupid."
Now, I don't get mad all that often, so when I do, a lot of people are generally very surprised and wet in their crotches, for one reason or another, by the end of it. Usually, boys are wet in their crotches because they made pee-pee, and girls are wet because they need my babies and also made pee-pee. Or they're raggin'. Which is code for "Medbing."
Hear that, higher education? I'm applying your stupid ancient nonsense to real-life situations and events and reality-show snarking!
And another one! I would never, NEVER, say anything about this to Stork's, Travis Stork's, face. And that is because the man would probably go all Cúchulainn on me and bust my lacrimals AND my vomer. He's a doctor, for German Shepard's sake. He knows what facial bones he's destroying when he destroys them.
Sunday, January 22, 2006
However, with my new "SUPER" spider-sense, reaction times are up 8000%! Woo-ah!
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
I just finished up a remarkable day of celebrating Ben Franklin's 300th birthday, and you know what he told me? He said, "Evan, it is no benefit to a man to have patches on his denim jacket of Spider-Man's head or the Superman 'S' or Wolverine, or any such foolish claptrap. No, what is truly the sign of decency in character is to have patches espousing fictional businesses and educational establishments, such as a patch of the logo for the 'Daily Bugle' or 'Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters.'"
"Mayhaps even a patch for S.H.I.E.L.D.?" I asked.
"Indeed! Or a 'Speaker City' shirt," he said. Good ole' Honest Abe. Ben. Honest Frank...lin.
Monday, January 16, 2006
Ferris Bueller's Day Off (1986) would have been a much better movie with Michael J. Fox in the role of Ferris, Crispin Glover in the role of Cameron, Claudia Wells in the role of Sloane, and Christopher Lloyd in the role of Ed Rooney.
Ben Stein can stay.
Sunday, January 15, 2006
It seems idiotic, but I think it's fairly common that we meet people of importance to us just before we are going away somewhere. - John Irving
I'm pretty sure she was about sleep with me. Damn this stupid trip! I hope she still wants to sleep with me in two weeks. - Evan McB
I offer the above quotes as proof that if we have classes together this semester, you are going to have a lot of fun.