Sunday, February 27, 2005

Evan Only Knows

Due to Popular Demand from me to myself, I'm beginning a new feature here at Merv at the Movies: my patented brand of sex advice, packaged in my patented sex advice column format! Every Goddamn Time I feel like it, I'll answer a question submitted to me by you, the readers. I can be reached at all the usual places, including, but not limited to, the comments section. As a bonus, each time I will also answer a follow-up pop culture question. Sound fun? Yeah. That's what I thought, too.

Today's question comes to us from E. McB...no, that's too obvious, let's say Evan McB. Yeah. I mean...uh, oh fudge it I wrote this.

Dear Evan,

My love life is satisfying to both me and my partner, but there always seems to be the need to "top" our previous efforts, which is quickly wearing me down and out. What can I do to keep our relations fresh and fun without killing me?

Sincerely,
Thoughtful In Regards to Erection Dues

P.S. What's that song they're using in the new "Nick at Nite" spots? That song rocks.

Dear TIRED,

Whatever you do, don't yawn during sex. That can get you in some real trouble, real quick.

Besides that, might I suggest bringing in another man? It's a little-known fact that the reason so many women despise or give little thought to sexual intercourse is an issue of "natural balance": for, each sexually liberated woman who enjoys sexual contact has the libido to easily handle five regular male sexual partners! Staggering statistical data, but true.

In regards to your bonus pop culture question, the song in question is "Hello Again," by the Cars, from their album, Heartbreak City. This is not to be confused with the tracks of the same name by Hoobastank, Intwine, Howard Carpendale, Neil Diamond, or Lostprophets.

5 comments:

  1. Anonymous9:16 PM

    dear evan,

    you might say i am a bit of a ladies man. this morning i woke up with a hicky the size of a golf ball on my neck. what are some good ways to hide wound of passion.

    they call me Dr. love

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous11:49 AM

    Evan,
    I really want to get closer to my gf by donkey punching her but don't know how to ask. Do you have any ideas?

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous3:05 PM

    Dear Evan-only-knows,

    I love the company that my girlfriend brings to bed, but I can't seem to get the cat's claws retracted when we get going fast. What would you suggest? (Bringing the dog in didn't help)

    Beastial lover

    PS-Why is 'Survivor' still popular?

    ReplyDelete
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    ReplyDelete
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    ReplyDelete