Monday, October 31, 2005
Remember, kids, always plan ahead when you need to use a public restroom. Or make sure you bring your crotch fairy. To hold your crotch. God, I love crotch fairies.
Clay is receiving the holy sacrament of our lord and savior, Jeezie Creezie. I hope he's praying for some game, cuz he can't huck and he can't fuck. I mean, if he could fuck, why would he have to be with a DIFFERENT girl every night? No repeat business means no skillz. Mad fucking skillz.
Luke says he's got a story for me. Well, Luke, I'm waiting. But while I wait, I can fantasize about what the story is. Maybe it's about how he refused to use a condom in a sexual situation, or the issue of the condom just never came up. And then, when the whole thing's over, everybody's like, "Oh shit, we are definitely going to have a baby. and AIDS." At least, she's like that. I already know about my AIDS, and if I see a swell in that tummy, I'm going to Mexico. Ha ha. Just kidding. I'm not gonna tell you where I'm going, bitch. How do I even know that's my baby?
My imagination is exhausting.
Monday, October 24, 2005
Saturday, October 22, 2005
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
Monique had a birthday yesterday! The same day as Jean-Claude Van Damme. Even though this picture shows her thinking about that awesome fun fact, I'm pretty sure she's actually thinking about making out with other hot girls, because she sure did it a lot last night. I'm just too classy to post that kind of stuff, though.
We saw Tim while we were out celebrating. And while it's okay for girls to be gay, it is NEVER acceptable for guys to be gay.
We also saw Sam! She told me I called her a bitch a dozen times, but I don't believe it, because look how well we get along!
I don't like making posts that don't involve Yingling. She's my dream girl for some reason.
Sunday, October 16, 2005
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
Sunday, October 02, 2005
This is Sam. This is her responding to something incredibly real I just said, probably along the lines of, "You have valid and well-informed opinions on a variety of subjects, Sam."
That's Bjax in her crotch.
Sam's second-favorite thing to do is flip the bird. Her first favorite is sucker-punching me for keeping it real.
This is a picture of me not writing a book about Rachel, as per our agreement. I know it may sound a little silly, but every time I have an urge to write a book, I just drink a lot and dance with pretty girls.
Saturday, October 01, 2005
"Ooo, I'm so smart! I can get my rocks off on another guy's bed. Blessed art me for being such a Goddamn retard."
Seriously, idiots. Give it up. There will never be a point in time where I will not make your dumb ass unembarrassed by the effort.