Friday, January 01, 2010

My Trip to Nami Island*

*A Report Told Through Interpretative Award-Giving

Well, we did it. We made it through an entire year, and here we stand on the precipice of a new decade, depending on who you ask. I don't even care if it's a new decade or not, which is funny considering how much I cared about whether it was the new millennium or not 10 years ago. I made that point last night, too (when I was celebrating the New Year IN YOUR FUTURE, American Constituency), to which I received the apt response, "Well, what year did you graduate high school?" Good point. P.S. Class of 2000 can eat shit, 2k1 was the first graduating class of the new millennium.

Anyway, end of the year or end of the decade, it's time for the annual awarding of the Evvie, the coveted prize that consists of me declaring with certainty the most eminently rewatchable film of the preceding 12 months. That's it. That's the whole prize. There is no statue. And I have some caveats, too! I have not seen Avatar, Moon, Sherlock Holmes, or Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel. However, I did see Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen three times. It didn't win.

I also saw G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra, and even though that was the movie based on a toy that Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen should have been, it also didn't win. It came close, though, helped along by the outfits that Sienna Miller and Rachel Nichols were poured into, as well as the delight I bring myself every time I see Snake Eyes on the screen and think to myself, "Why do they call you 'Snake Eyes'?" "Because I always losssssse." Ah, a joke that's almost perfect until you remember that Snake Eyes doesn't talk!

Closer still to securing this year's Evvie was Inglourious Basterds, a film that may not have won, but will still forevermore inform my Italian accent, as well as the way I hold up a finger count (KOREAN CULTURAL FUN FACT #1: In Korea, the thumb is generally number one, not the index finger). Unfortunately, Inglourious Basterds, while eminently watchable, is not eminently rewatchable, as it is long as fuck and features a lot of scenes that you are going to want to skip past during repeat viewings.

No, the clear winner of this year's Evvie and easily the most eminently rewatchable film of 2009 is J.J. Abrams' Gene Roddenberry's Star Trek, a movie that succeeded in achieving the impossible: giving Karl Urban an even better line than "He's the holy Half-Dead who has seen the Underverse," with "Space is disease and danger wrapped in darkness and silence. Yeah, well, I got nowhere else to go. My ex-wife took the whole damn planet in the divorce. All I got left is my bones." I mean, hell, that's good enough to take the prize right there, but then they went ahead and painted Rachel Nichols green, fer chrissakes, proving that in the age-old sexiness debate between skintight latex battlesuit and green skin, well...

So that was the year in movies. And She-Hulk imagery, for that matter. Moving on to the category of music, what track was so good that if I had a hard-copy of it, said hard-copy would have melted from eminent replayability? A true conundrum, as ironically one of only two actual physical albums I bought in 2009 was the Lonely Island's Incredibad, a vinyl LP that came with a free download of the album anyway. Still, Julian Casablancas' guest vocals on "Boombox" was my joint for a good chunk of time, until Casablancas released the  even more eminently replayable track "11th Dimension" later in the year.

The other actual physical album I bought was done halfway as an excuse to get a bag that says Evan Records, but also halfway because it is awesome as hell. D.I.S.C.O is so eminently replayable that I am outright shocked that I get such bewildered reactions from Koreans who I tell I like it. Seriously, do you know the kind of shit they listen to here? Brain-crushingly awful 가유, and apparently 엄정화 is too, um, poppy (trite? sugary? something, anyway) for most people. I can't explain it! But it was technically released in 2008, so it gets the 2009 retroactive Evvie for 2008's most eminently replayable track.

Other tracks that helped me continue on my way to permanent hearing loss and the honorary and particular Evvies I bestow upon them:
  • Robbie Williams' "Bodies," taking the Evvie for best track with which to banish fat and boost metabolism
  • Lady Gaga ft. Beyonce, "Telephone," wins the Evvie for first club track that I have only ever heard in Korea and therefore have no American mental associations with
  • Drake and a bunch of other dudes with "Forever," with the Evvie for only listening to the chorus because honestly, Eminem and Kanye are so fuckin' awful
  • Late Night Alumni's "You Can Be The One (Sultan & Ned Shepard Remix)," Evvie for hitting the fog machine mist release at 3:51, dude i am rollin' balls right now
  • Whitney Houston - "Million Dollar Bill (Freemasons Club Mix)" - Evvie for track I'm not even sure how it got here, probably Nick downloaded it while I wasn't looking
  • Shiny Toy Guns - "Starts With One (Classixx Remix)" - "You Have No Idea How Much I Have to Resist Just Putting Up The Gabriel & Dresden Remix of 'You Are the One' I Know It's Like 3 Years Old I DON'T CARE" Evvie
  • Phoenix - "1901" - After the sixth TV show you hear it on, you just end up going with it Evvie
  • Annie - "Bad Times" - Epic Regret Evvie
  • "The Meadow" - Love Theme From The Twilight Saga: New Moon by Alexandre Desplat - "Let me get this straight: The werewolf imprints the vampire's baby so that she has no choice but to grow up to love and depend on him? That is hott" Evvie
  • Tiesto - "Here On Earth" (Feat. Cary Brothers) - Tiesto Impressions Are the Best Impressions Evvie
  • E-603 - "Wanna Get Low" - Tell it to my heart Evvie
All eminently replayable tracks, but the most eminently replayable track of the past twelve months and music's  2009 Evvie recipient is Lily Allen's "Not Fair (Annie Nightingale's Far Too Loud Electro Mix)". I love that shit. I lurve it.

Yeah, so. Happy New Year. I've been up to stuff, too.

As you can see.

1 comment:

  1. Every time I think that coat is over it comes back full force. Happy New Year!