That's some island.

Can you imagine how impressive and awesome a person would have to be in order to hold that pose in real life for, say, 15 minutes? Obviously, the kind of person who cannot be trusted sexually. The kind of person whose fate lies on the paesaggi abbandonati della...

ISOLA DELLA TIGRE!

Tiger Island. Where tigers kiss. Bacio della tigre!

No Escape!

I remember thinking this sign said something really hilarious at 3:30 in the morning, probably "Poop Avenue." Anyway, now it says "Lazer."


And here's what happens when you try to escape from Tiger Island. For you see, there is no escape from...

TIGER ISLAND!

Did I mention Autumn Reeser was a regular cast member next season?

She plays Taylor Townsend. Oh, look! Van Damme cuddling with a kitty!

ON THE NEXT “ACCESS HOLLYWOOD:” MISCHA BARTON CONFIRMS HER CHARACTER ON “THE O.C.” DIES AND REVEALS WHAT THE SHOW HAS IN STORE FOR FANS.

You're living in a Dreamworld.

Just seems to me that if you're going to be buying She-Hulk, you should do it through me.

And remember, now is the perfect time to get caught up with the series, which just concluded a two-part story that emphasizes the strong, important, and true moral: If you are a sexy male alien whom no woman can resist, you are a sexual predator and need to be tried for your crimes against womanity.

And what does the law do with sexual predators? It banishes them to live among their own on the scarred hellscape that is....

TIGER ISLAND!

Alternate placement possibilities for sexual predators include Wiggle's World and The After Dark Park.

In case you haven't seen it...

And, lest you think me ignorant, I present to my own self a cautionary tale of what the future holds for me if I stay the course.

Look upon this dancing, ye mighty, and despair!

I'm not saying you're wrong...

Have you heard Trace Adkins seminal 2005 smashly acclaimed C&W hit, "Honky Tonk Badonkadonk"? Today, I did. I don't think anyone could have seen it coming, but really, we shoulda, brudda. I would share some choice Jungian anals* for this cultural collision, but honestly, my give-a-damn's give-a-dizamn's busted.**

*I have some choice Freudian stuff for that.

**I didn't buy Karaoke Revolution Country. Or, for that matter, Get On 'Da Mic. So, yeah, maybe I AM saying you're wrong.

Darkhawk!

Bad News for People who like Bad News.

"Bart! You haven't been listening to a word I've been saying!"

"Yes, Ma'am."

"Then what did I just say?"

"Uh...straighten up and fly right?"

"Pfft. That was a lucky guess."

Who's looking forward to X-Men 3?

Tom isn't.

Happy International Polar Bear Day!

Seth Meyers

That is the last time I wear women's deodorant.

Wow, that feels really good.

I don't need to fall at your feet
Just cause you cut me to the bone.
And I won't miss the way that you kiss me.
We were never carved in stone.

If I don't listen to the talk of the town
Then maybe I can fool myself...

It won't happen because I don't deserve to be happy.

Keanu Reeves might play the Silver Surfer! OMFG that would be so awesome!~

Me and John and I'm doing all the fun things.

R U REDDY TO LAUGH?

Evan's Top 3 For Friday! Oh Boy!

Phineas J. Whoopie, You're a Genius!

There's an episode of Garfield and Friends where Roy Rooster runs to the end of a rainbow following a rainstorm in the hopes of getting a pot of gold. Instead of a pot of gold, a leprechaun gives him a dirty sock, but gives Roy the option to trade for what's behind three different doors. Roy, of course, trades the sock for the first door, which contains immense wealth. Roy then trades for door number two, which contains even more wealth, as well as fame and privilege. Sensing a trend, Roy trades for door number three, which contains...a dirty sock.

Novelty T-shirts are totally cool with me, bra, but when I see someone younger than me wearing a shirt that has "Atari" emblazoned across the chest, I wonder how poor they were growing up. I'm 22, and I have never thought of Atari as anything other than a crap factory for crap.

Oh, and disregard the following if you're not Kanye West: They're called goombas, Kanye.

Getting Cut From the Cuddle Party

It hurts to be cut from the cuddle party. Everyone's just hanging out, having a good time, feeling all up on one another's delts and rhomboids and trapeziusesses and caressing golden locks and keeping the sexual energy low and safe...and then, BAM! You're told that you're just too young and it's weird that you still live with your mom and being Canadian is NOT COOL at a cuddle party. I know how it goes, and when the person who gets cut from the cuddle party is a person I showed up with, I just bury myself into the nearest ample bosom, ostrich-style, and hope for the best. No one is ruining this cuddle party for me.

Best Use of 'Woo' in a Song, One Through Three

Was ambushed by the trailer to Tyler's Perry's Madea's Family's Reunion's, and at first I thought they had gotten a new guy to star in The Nutty Professor 3: Klump This. Then I considered that, what with the second movie being such a surprise smash box office annihilator, THEY had gotten a new guy to star in Big Momma's House 3: Fuck You, America. Then I decided that I might be a racist. Then I decided that Michelle Monaghan is probably attractive enough that a girlfriend would not be jealous if I were to make out with her, and would be inclined to join in.

1. Rage Against the Machine, "Freedom"
2. Blur, "Song 2"
3. N*Sync, "Up Against the Wall"
   

Go get some beer!