Fashion Do!

Even though I am in obvious need of a shave, haircut, change in wardrobe (that Gold Digger shirt is awesome) and a different beverage (is that a Bartle & Jaymes?!), things appear to be working out okay for me in this photo. It would seem that there is truth in the theory that you can fuck up so badly you end up doing everything right.


John doesn't seem all that thrilled about this, but he's having a laugh.


And here I'm wearing another Gold Digger shirt. Also we all appear to be dancing in what can only be the hold of a ship sailing on the high seas.

Wink

Sometimes people wink, but you know what? Not all the time.

Year of Growing Beards Dangerously

If the music says "dance," I say "okay." If Duncan says "jump," I say "there's film in that camera, right?"

When in doubt, Lazer! Lazer!

Dance Dance John-&-Ryan-lution

What are they looking at here? Because it looks like they're looking at a DDR monitor, but I can guarantee you they aren't playing DDR in this pic. Maybe someone just fell out the window? There's no earthly way of knowing.

Cali Girls

One time, I went to California to visit Claire and congratulate her on the occasion of her college graduation. Here's a picture of me the night before I left, being surly:


I flew out with Laurie, and when we got to Cali, I proceeded to get too drunk, sunburned, and lewd. Oh well, I just thought it would make people like me more. Live and learn. I had a great time, but "stressful" might be the word to describe the time Claire, Laurie, and Claire's put-upon roommate had.


Laurie lives in California now. I forget where Claire lives. Maybe here? Wouldn't that be a kick?


If they wanted me to, I would come and visit them in California every other week. Chances are they don't want me to, though.

This is a thing people say now.

It's too late to go back now. Behold the dawn of a new age.

Lazer! Lazer!

Don't you think he looks like Popeye?

Get your head out of that trash can lid.

Justice Rocket Backpack Rocket Rocket Fire!

The Adventures of Ryan...in 3-D!

Cinqo de Mayo 2k5

Chances are if my New Year's Resolution was to quit drinking, it has been rescinded by May 5th. But this year that was not a NYR, so...yeah...

The time I met Robert Redford.

Awesome! Robert Redford! Well, it wasn't that awesome.

A general note to Warren Ellis on the occasion of reading Ultimate Fantastic Four issue 18.

Dear Warren Ellis,

Your punchline with the last Ultimate FF villian in issue eighteen was awesome.

Sincerely,
evanmcb

Some cool stuff from this week...

Random pop culture notes from this week:

• People may think it's cool to playa-hate on that new Hitchhikin' pic, but let me ask you this: What other film do you know of this year that has used the Eagles' "Journey of the Sorcerer" as the main title theme? Teh sweet.
  
• It is fuckin' nutz that Space Tree and Family Guy both used the same gag this week.
• Synchronicity Department: Dave Finch and Dave Sim both doing Frazetta homages recently.
• Was anyone else bothered that Bush was preempting The O.C. for melodrama that did not and would not have made the cut for primetime soaps? Cause, you know, I was. I love primetime soaps.
  

Bad Idea!

It's been a couple of days since that happened. I'm still hungover.

Ultimate Prom 2005

It was a night of promises and dreams come true!

Best Poem

I built a castle in the woods,
Green to match her sweater
It might have had another name
You know how women are about clothes.

Happy 22nd birthday to me!

This is one crew that's going to get drunk...birthday drunk!



If that straw had reached to the floor, that's where I would have been.



Excellent partying all around, gentleman.

Butt

That's pretty funny.

That is to say, really cultured.

It shows how cultured I am that I thought this was a play on some Jungle Brothers lyrics. (Turns out it's actually about Jesus).

Holiday Cheer

Happy Spring Break, Easter, St. Patrick's Day, et cetera! What'd you do to celebrate Jesus fighting demons a la Cottlesteen? I went to the library, ate deviled eggs, and drank like the fool I am with the Bruce St. Posse. Natch. Nuff Said. Excelsior!

Personality Distilled

Also funny if you do not personally know Scott? Yes.

Secret Library Ritual

From left to right: Peanut Butter, Alcoholic Jones, Dunc-A-Monk, Recreational Virtual Vehicle Reality, and Doughboy.

Sung to the tune of "There's a SNAKE in my boot!"

There's a GUN in that boot!

From the night I tore my ACL! Collector's Edition!

I gave out one too many suplexes last night. Now my knee is all buckled.

NWB all tuckered out.

Uh-huh, I bet it was. Anyway, I'm pretty sure that what's happening here is that Nick was all tuckered out from drinking, so he went to sleep on a couch and I guess I assumed he was dreaming about quotes from an interview with Keanu Reeves. And that quote about having a "remarkable afternoon of ping-pong" still does really make me giggle.

New The Game and 50 Cents

These guys must have known something I also know, because the greatest track on either album is the same track.

"Hate It or Love It."

The rest is pretty forgettable.

And 50 told me that he was able to bring women to ecstasy without ecstasy. Which is funny, because the Black Eyed Peas told me the same thing when I saw Be Cool.

P.S. I have a new blog for my patented brand of sex advice! Will it last more than a dozen entries?
P.P.S. No.

Evan Only Knows

Due to Popular Demand from me to myself, I'm beginning a new feature here at Merv at the Movies: my patented brand of sex advice, packaged in my patented sex advice column format! Every Goddamn Time I feel like it, I'll answer a question submitted to me by you, the readers. I can be reached at all the usual places, including, but not limited to, the comments section. As a bonus, each time I will also answer a follow-up pop culture question. Sound fun? Yeah. That's what I thought, too.

Today's question comes to us from E. McB...no, that's too obvious, let's say Evan McB. Yeah. I mean...uh, oh fudge it I wrote this.

Dear Evan,

My love life is satisfying to both me and my partner, but there always seems to be the need to "top" our previous efforts, which is quickly wearing me down and out. What can I do to keep our relations fresh and fun without killing me?

Sincerely,
Thoughtful In Regards to Erection Dues

P.S. What's that song they're using in the new "Nick at Nite" spots? That song rocks.

Dear TIRED,

Whatever you do, don't yawn during sex. That can get you in some real trouble, real quick.

Besides that, might I suggest bringing in another man? It's a little-known fact that the reason so many women despise or give little thought to sexual intercourse is an issue of "natural balance": for, each sexually liberated woman who enjoys sexual contact has the libido to easily handle five regular male sexual partners! Staggering statistical data, but true.

In regards to your bonus pop culture question, the song in question is "Hello Again," by the Cars, from their album, Heartbreak City. This is not to be confused with the tracks of the same name by Hoobastank, Intwine, Howard Carpendale, Neil Diamond, or Lostprophets.

Mysterious!

The Pen 15 Club

I can't believe she's so thrilled about this. No, wait. I totally can. Because the Pen 15 club rocks your socks into a box.

Nick and I saw Constantine.

It's amazing, because this is exactly what the movie is like. So that's how it worked out for me. The end.

P.S. you should buy this movie here's a link!

Yeah, let me know how that works out for you.

From an interview with Keanu Reeves regarding his upcoming film, Constantine:

"No, but it's a character just as how it exists in the graphic novel, so I would love to play him again. Who knows? I mean, February 18th, probably by the 30th we'll know."

Length: One Dozen Seconds

I met Michael Chabon today. We discussed the Legion of Super-Heroes at some length.

Superman V: The Quest to be Boring as Hell

Important issues at all times tear at the fabric of my very being.

Pauly Shore is Dead

It takes meta to a place meta has never been (Pauly Shore's career). When Mario Lopez showed up, I realized that this was le cinema verité.