Monday, March 24, 2008

The Unyielding Terror of the Star Sharks

A lot of really terrifying things have a built-in safety mechanism that make them inherently less terrifying, like how velociraptors are terrifying, but also they are extinct. With sharks, this safety mechanism is that sharks are pretty scary in water, but hilarious when on land. It's all moot, now, though, because apparently sharks also hail from the stars, and that is the kind of terror that is unyielding.

That's the most unyieldingly terrifying thing I've ever seen, and its head isn't even visible! Imagine that thing popping up and...

Whoa! Not only that, but did you catch what Alex said above about the star sharks (or starsharks for short)? They aren't just sharks, they are also living attack craft used by the Brood, a race that behaves exactly like xenomorphs. Essentially, the scariest movie monsters from 1979 are driving around space in the scariest movie monster from 1975, showing up to fight the X-Men as the scariest supervillian team-up of 1987. And while that may have been more than two decades ago, starsharks are still out there. If you look up at the stars on a clear night, you can still see the unyielding terror, soaring majestically, waiting for its chance to eat your shit.

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