Sunday, February 17, 2008

Evanmania is running wild.

The season finale of "American Gladiators" is on tonight, and Evan Dollard, Hollister employee and rock-climbing enthusiast, is going to win. How could he lose, when the entire competition is based on who gets the fastest Eliminator time? Evan could sit out every event and STILL clock in at under two minutes on that thing. The guy's energy level is through the roof, which makes it hard to believe it when he says things like his favorite hangout in home town Chicago is, "The Map Room, because it's a real chill place." Really? I absolutely will not buy that for a dollar. I suspect a little creative editing on Evan's original words, which must have been closer to, "The Kratom Room, because I love kratom."

What I'm saying is that his energy level, it is up there. But that wouldn't be enough to win. Actually, yes it would. But still, another thing that Evan does right is approach every event with humility, talking up Gladiators like Titan with lines like, "This guy is chiseled out of granite. I have my work cut out for me, but I'm going to give it everything I've got."

That's pretty close to what I would say in his situation: "These guys are the pinnacle of human physical achievement. Frankly, Hulk, I just don't think I'm going to be able to win." (Then I would win)

Most Least importantly, Evan is harboring a crush on Crush (Gina Carano), which won't help him win...unless he gets his wish for a co-ed Gladiator tournament. "I would gladly get a foot in the face if I got to wrestle her on that Earthquake platform." That's one way to do it, but he might also consider just hooking her up with the manager's discount on the new Cabrillo Beach shorts and Bolsa Chica tank top. Perfect for Spring Break!

American Gladiators

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