Friday, April 04, 2008

A Grind-My-Gears Jaguar Attack Friday

As far as super mutant powers go, you could probably do a lot worse than ending up with some variation of "emotional manipulation." Sure, some straight up telepathy would be a hell of a lot more useful in most situations, but making the people around you extremely horny will usually do in a pinch. Unless, that is, you find yourself in a pinch against...a jaguar!

And in New Mutants #62, that is exactly what happens to Empath, the token emotional manipulator for Emma Frost's Hellions. As Empath, or Manuel Alfonso Rodrigo de la Rocha for short, quickly learns, jaguars are emotionally stunted creatures who only know how to express themselves through violence.

Empath's plan to not get his shit clawed likely involved trying to emotionally manipulate the jaguar into crying, but have you ever seen a jaguar cry? Look into these eyes and tell me you see even an ounce of compassion:

Frankly, that jaguar's give-a-damn is busted. Luckily for Empath, he is traveling with fellow Hellion Amara, whose mutant power to wield sticks actually works really well against jaguars.

And that is the story of how two Hellions beat up a jungle cat. So what grinds my gears about all that? Well, even though it's about 20 years too late to complain, New Mutants #62 turned out to be a weird one-off story about these two getting lost in the Amazon (and also it is awesome so that's good), but there's kind of a cliffhanger that never got properly resolved and now it never will and that really grinds my gears because I just read this yesterday.

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